Time is Meant to be Wasted
by Rivala
Summary: Nate River had never thought of himself as some sort of whore. But life and love can lead you in two different directions sometimes. Slash, LxN, LxL, MxM


Ok, for those who don't know, I recently wrote an ff called the same name as this one. Not a lot of people understood why I wrote this- this ff is the reason. Both of these stories were inspired by the same song- Spend some time by Eminem. The bits in italics are flashbacks.

Note: In this story, Light isn't Kira. I know it's hard to believe, but it happened. I don't own Death Note, no matter how much I wish I did.

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'I never thought I'd find someone to be mine Lord knows I was right 'cause you just crossed the line.'

Spend some Time - Eminem

**Spend Some Time with Me**

_Introduction_

Nate River had never thought of himself as some sort of whore.

But life is weird- you think you know the path you're walking, until you are presented with a fork in the road. It's easy once you know your destination- it's just choosing which direction to go in that's the hard part.

And Nate didn't know that he would one day he would be presented with a fork in the road- and that he would take the wrong direction.

But let's start at the beginning.

_1_

A fourteen year old Nate River, number one at Wammy's house, the illustrious orphanage for the gifted, sat upon his window sill, his arm wrapped around his leg for support while he stared at the picture he held in his free hand. It was so whimsical, so out of character of him, to be hung up on another human being. But he was, and it was irritating, probably because the person who gazed at him through the picture had recently left him to run away from a great burden, forcing Nate himself to take the actions preceding it. He was confused- he wanted to hate this person, the boy whose image was imprisoned within this frame. But he couldn't, because he had realised long ago that hating this person was something he was incapable of. Nevertheless, he longed to despise this person.

But instead of hate, he was paralyzed by sorrow. Was it normal to feel this sad when your so-called enemy disappeared from your life? Why was it so hard to kill this pain?

_Mello... Is this love? Why do I still find myself unable to hate you as much as you hate me?_

Nate's heart ached with half-hearted longing at his inner thoughts, and his felt sick at how awful it felt to admit he felt like this about a rival. He had acted so calm and collected, as usual, when Mello had told him he was going to run away. It had felt like an empty threat- it wouldn't be the first time the chocoholic had promised to get away from the 'home' he despised. But now, as Nate stared outside, he longed to see the blonde's trademark half smile as they had shared a rare agreement.

Nate turned to look at the door as three knocks resonated around the room.

'Near?'

Nate almost fell from his comfortable position upon the window sill. It couldn't be--?!

_L?!_

'... Come in...'

Nate could do no more than watch as the man known only by a letter walked into his room and closed the door behind him. Nate and Mello had been the only ones in the orphanage who had met L face to face, and upon seeing him, Nate felt immediately awed, which was a rare thing. But he didn't show it- if there was one thing he wasn't going to embarrass himself about, it was his ability to beat L himself when it came to keeping his emotions to himself.

'Good morning.'

'...L...'

Instead of getting straight to business and remaining monotonous, the man gave a gentle smile, crossed the boy's bedroom in less than four steps and sat on Nate's bed.

'How are you, Near?'

Nate turned back to gazing out of the window, to think about more important matters.

'... I am fine, thank you.'

Nate wasn't in the mood for formalities. He just wanted to wait for Mello to return, while hating himself for being incapable of being liked. He had said the wrong thing to Mello, hadn't he? That's why Mello had gone...

***

'_Near,' Mello said, walking into Nate's room and invading Nate's personal space like it was the done thing, 'I need to talk to you.'_

_Nate turned to the blond, his dark eyes slightly guarded. 'What is it?'_

_Mello gave an awkward look. 'I'm running away. I just wanted to tell you that when I come back, I'll be number one, and- -'_

'_So it's the same little masquerade as last time?' Nate interrupted, uninterested, while turning back to his stuffed polar bear, which presented much more interest to him than the drama queen opposite him's little tantrum._

_Mello gritted his teeth. His wrists tightened until his fingernails dug so deep that he almost drew blood. 'This isn't a masquerade! I'm going to get away from this shit hole, and... And... .'_

_(I want you to come with me)_

'_...And while I'm gone, I will learn how to beat you!'_

_Nate rolled his eyes. 'Where to this time, Mello? Peru? Chicago? Or just down the street, like last time?'_

_Mello looked flaccid._

'_Shut up! Quit trying to call me a coward! What do you know? You aren't even brave enough to leave your own fucking room!'_

_Silence remained as Nate wordlessly refused to continue the conversation with a comeback. Mello stared at the floor, his bitter fury fully convincing him that his decision was the right one. He turned around, and made to exit the room._

'_...Whatever.'_

***

... And that was the last thing Mello said before he disappeared for three weeks. At first, it had left Nate feeling a little taken aback that Mello had kept to his word. Then, the pain set in, and it left Nate feeling, well...

... To be honest, a little bit vulnerable.

There was a calm exhalation of air as L breathed out lethargically, breaking the silence. 'There is no point in grieving, Near. Nobody knows when he's coming back.'

Nate wheeled around to face the detective. Even though his face was still as blank, his eyes expressed his anger as well as his behaviour.

'What are you insinuating?' he growled, yet it was so low it was closer to a murmur.

L's head tilted slightly as he peered at the boy with a knowing look.

'I am insinuating that you miss Mello, Near. Also, I believe that you have feelings for him... yes?'

Nate's eyes widened and he seemed to forget about his neutral exterior. He stood up, stormed over acrimoniously to the older man and grabbed the collar of his shirt, manhandling him.

'H-how dare you! The thought had not even entered my mind, how could you conjure up such an absurd ideal? T-that boy is one of the most antagonising pests I've ever had the displeasure to meet!'

L smiled slyly, and slipped his hands coyly around the younger's wrists, forcing the boy to release him. He stood up, still holding onto Nate's wrists, and pushed the adolescent back slightly. He leant down to Nate's eye level and pushed his face closer, his smile remaining.

'Methinks thou doest detest too much.'

Nate flushed immediately upon the intimate contact, his cheeks turning a pale shade of crimson. Of course, he didn't like being touched. He felt himself being pushed backwards until his back finally came into contact with the wall. The older man stood over him, his arms imprisoning Nate within his reach. L's hand then reached forwards, and it held Nate's chin softly, almost lovingly. The detective's embrace seemed welcoming since Nate had lacked any source of comfort since Mello had disappeared. But nevertheless, what was L doing..?

L gently pushed Nate's jaw upwards and Nate felt L's lips whisper across the skin of his neck. There was a sharp intake of breath as said lips delicately kissed pale skin, and ghostly hands slid up a white pyjama top to stroke alabaster flesh.

'A-ah...L...?'

Nate pushed against L's chest, trying to avoid the affection.

'S-stop... L!'

L's arms wrapped around Nate, and he looked at the boy with nonchalant eyes. He tilted the boy's face upwards, and Nate looked at him with a confused gaze.

'T-this... If you know, then... why are you... L...w-why- -?'

Nate could do nothing but watch as the detective pushed his moist lips against Nate's own. Nate gripped the man's shirt, first as if to push away, and then Nate suddenly hit an ultimatum.

L's motives at the time were unknown. But Nate had submitted for a single, lone reason- what difference would it make if he didn't give in?

So, instead of protesting, Nate gave in. Instead of pushing L away, Nate let go, and shivered slightly as he felt L's tongue lapped coaxingly over Nate's bottom lip, and Nate reluctantly gave entrance to L's tongue. Nate moaned as L's tongue rubbed against the sensitive area underneath his own tongue, and gave a minute groan as L unbuttoned Nate's cotton shirt and L's fingers ghosted over Nate's chest and nipples.

L pulled away momentarily, only to lead the adolescent to the bed and lay the boy down. Nate couldn't remember much- he could remember not caring, yet enjoying it. As L lay down beside the boy, Nate arched his back as he felt shrewd hands creep past the elastic band of his trousers and start to pump warm flesh.

_I... I need to forget..._

***

And the rest remained shrouded in Nate's memory, all in a haze. He had run away from his feelings... by sleeping with his senior, the man who he was supposed to succeed, not seduce. The matter of his virginity hadn't bothered him that much- he just saw it all as an excuse not to think about Mello.

L visited him a few times a week, and each time it just ended the same way. Nate found himself becoming more and more dependent on these moments. It was his drug, the one that drowned the anger and resentment.

And then, a week before Nate's fifteenth birthday, Mello came back.

The guilt burnt in Nate's stomach as he came face to face with the boy he loved. He didn't know what to say, and even Mello could tell that something had changed. It was a difficult time, and Nate had yet to stop himself from giving in to L. The addiction to the attention had stayed rooted in his heart, and he had yet to find the strength.

And that's how things continued.

Week after week, in and out, the routine came and went a thousand times. Nate was too far in to notice anything changing around him- he was almost enthusiastic about the sex. He had started to enjoy it now, and though he didn't show it, he wanted to continue with the monotony that accompanied the pleasure, and, in a twisted way, he was content with his situation.

But then, L stopped visiting.

Nate speedily walked down the hall, a rare occasion since he didn't tend to leave his room. He pushed past some of the younger children, and pulled himself through the door to Roger's office.

'Roger, I need to ask you something.'

Roger looked upwards to meet the boy's demanding gaze, and he had a slightly surprised face. Nate usually wasn't one to get so exasperated... actually, Nate wasn't one to show any emotion whatsoever.

'What is it, Near?'

Nate avoided the elderly man's gaze.

'... Where is L?'

Instead of asking awkward questions, Roger simply nodded and looked a little bit sympathetic. He assumed the adolescent just missed the man he idolized.

'He has gone to investigate a new case. Somewhere in Japan, I believe. You know... _that_.'

Nate knew fully well what 'that' was. Roger was referring to Kira- of course; it was only natural that the world's greatest detective would be sent to stop the now worldly renowned 'God of Judgement'.

It takes a god to stop a god.

Nate bit his tongue in an attempt to stop himself from getting angry at the man for leaving. Why should he feel bad because the detective who took advantage of him decided to up and leave without telling him? L worked in secret. It wasn't like he was going to tell Nate everything. But still...

'He told me he may send for you next month, though. He thought he might need your help.'

Nate couldn't help but feel a little bit better. At least he was being of use. He didn't really want to be forced to leave, though. He disliked travelling. He nodded slowly, and walked away. It was a small condolence, wasn't it? To be wanted.

_To be loved..._

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Wow... that was a little bit different of me. I tend to write romantic comedies, and this was a bit, well... dark for me. I felt that not a lot of FFs have Near's POV, so I thought, 'What the hell! I might as well.' So, er... y'know the drill, whether or not this story continues or not depends on your reviews!


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